much to the delight of all the fans keeping track of my love life (yes, i mean you), i am proud to announce that i finally went on a date last night, albeit under extremely strange circumstances that i will not get into.
the date was born of a sort of mutual attraction: i was attracted to her, and she was attracted to the steak that i promised to buy her. all in all, it ended well for everybody concerned, except of course for the steak, which ended up digested.
now the fans ask, will there be another date on top of this one? perhaps, my children, perhaps. but only if her culinary desires tend towards something slightly cheaper, like maybe a cup of tea and a biscuit. it’s not that i’m cheap – it’s just that my meager salary can’t tolerate two hungry mouths. and, judging from my recent massive weight gain, i don’t think it should be supporting even my own hungry mouth as much as it has.
oh, and if you were wondering, this was not a date with the forcibly betrothed. those aren’t really dates; rather, they are scheduled bouts of torture. now i know what those secret cia prisons feel like.
i’m off to malaysia, korea and singapore for eight days tomorrow. you know what that means, don’t you? pictures! especially of the five star hotels i will be staying in (yes, you may turn green with jealousy now). oh, and prufrock, you will be happy to know that the facial fungus is gone as of this evening, due to a disastrous accident with the gillete mach 3 turbo. pity. i shall miss it. it had started taking on a life of its own.
peace out, y’all.