grammar, please

mmm. i love keane. they are the best ending to a crappy day. or even a good day. while meditating today, my winamp suddenly started playing keane. it was amazing.

i received an email today, which i shall share with you. it went as follows:

“ewwwwwww. wut happend to ur blog man? it wuz so cool b4 but now itz like ur all razist or sumthin’? wuz up wit dat?”

my first instinct on receiving an email that is worded in this or a similar manner is to delete the email, get out my gun and go and shoot the author. it really isn’t difficult to write in a manner that makes sense, folks. however, convincing folks of this is exceedingly difficult. apparently, people who are well educated, well brought up and listen to yanni in their free time like to talk like they are a 12 year old coke dealer from the ghetto. although i must admit that the weirdest part of it is that many people may talk in perfectly good english, yet write like the above gem. i know many people who do this on a frequent basis, including the author of the composition. i will warn all of you right now: “that” is a pronoun”, while “dat” refers to a filename extension for a particular type of system file on your computer. if you ever get the two of those mixed up, the consequences will be dire.

from the rare parts of the email above that i understood, i realized that people had been taking offense at my piece on asians. therefore, some clarification is in order. i am not a racist or “razist” or anything of that sort. i love all peoples and all cultures. in fact, the longest paragraph was on my own country. the only thing i was poking fun at all was probably at myself, for watching the movie “mean girls” three times (lindsay lohan is really really hot). everything i wrote in that piece was based on fact and on my personal experience in those countries. if you are from one of those countries and can prove to me that what i wrote is wrong, i will gladly rescind it. for instance, if you can prove that there are no tourists in thailand who are there primarily to have sex with twelve-year old boys, i will remove it immediately. best of luck on that front, though.

on that note, i received another email, more eloquently worded this time around, asking what happened to the stories. the truth is, i’m not sure. i had a spurt of creativity when i wrote those stories, and it seems that that spurt has dried up temporarily. ideally, it will be back soon. until then, most of these pieces, except the now infamous asian piece, is mostly fiction anyway. this is my attempt at humor. so read the crap, and feel free to laugh. or don’t. i don’t care either way.
if you expected to read sad boring blog entries, i have one of those, so if that’s what you want, ask me, and i’ll send you the address. if, however, you want a blog that goes something like this:

“i woke up this morning at 8 am. i stared at my toes and decided that the nails needed cutting. i got up and went to the bathroom. i brushed my teeth and then proceeded to put my shirt on. i buttoned the first button and worked my way down.”


“i’m so lonely. i need someone so bad. someone who will make my heart soar. someone who will make my life worth living. someone to make sense of all the misery in my life. someone who can change the way i think. someone who gives great head. someone to love, to hold, to cherish, to molest.”

then fuck off, because you’re in the wrong place, buddy.

one last thing: fuck political correctness. someday, with the way being pc trends are going, it’ll be pc to not say anything to anyone at all, and instead just nod and/or shake your head. what’s the point in having language if you can’t use it?

so therefore, if you’ve had a bad day, and want to have a laugh, feel free to read what i have to say. but please, reserve your judgements till you actually get to know me well enough. i’m really not this bad face to face.

at least i’d like to think so.

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