in what is being termed a triumph for diplomacy, the delivery of laxatives on saturday to awami league chairperson sheikh hasina by richard boucher, us assistant secretary of state, has led to the withdrawal of the 14-party combine’s indefinite blockade program.
speaking to journalists after their brief meeting, boucher said, “despite the attempts of various persons to remove this blockade program, the us government under the all-knowing and benevolent george bush realized that the current political impasse in bangladesh was a metaphor for sheikh hasina’s personal troubles.”
boucher further added, “we have seen empirical evidence at home of the effectiveness of laxatives as a tool to soothe political troubles – just look at how well george bush is handling the loss of congress to democrats.”
despite this correspondent’s attempts to speak to hasina following the delivery of the potent medication, the awami league chief could not be reached for comment. however, saber hossain chowdhury, hasina’s political secretary, said in a brief statement, “the intervention by the us government has been heartily welcomed by the chairperson. following boucher’s departure, hasina retreated to her private quarters with the medication, and is yet to emerge. however, she earlier sent us a message saying that the indefinite blockade program should be canceled immediately, and that the awami league will switch to non-confrontational and peaceful politics immediately.”
a well-placed source in hasina’s residence sudha sadan informs us that the message was conveyed to senior party leaders by hasina through the covert method of shouting through her bathroom door. our source inside sudha sadan further adds, hasina’s ingestion of the medication has had a profound impact on her state of mind regarding politics and the future of bangladesh. hasina now understands the value of compromise and dialogue in developing the country and ensuring safety and sanity of all its citizens, adds the source.
awami league general secretary abdul jalil in a separate statement said, “the chairperson is currently busy on what is being called the ‘epiphany toilet’ and is not to be disturbed. however, we are considering the delivery of the medication by richard boucher to be a significant victory for the awami league over the ruthless oppression and torture that we have been subjected to over the past five years by the
4-party 3-party 2-party alliance and their puppet president. we therefore give the caretaker government upto next thursday at noon to remove the embargo on laxatives for hasina, otherwise we will be forced to demonstrate again on the streets.”jalil further stated that the 14-party combine’s 11 demands for the caretaker government had been reduced to a one-point demand: free access to laxatives for all politicians.
our source inside sudha sadan reports that, now that hasina has solved the problem of confrontational politics in bangladesh, she is hard at work on the epiphany toilet developing innovative solutions to poverty, corruption and the problem of bangladeshi teenagers listening to gangster rap and death metal.
meanwhile, the liberal democratic party (ldp), bangladesh’s newest political party, stated at their daily
press briefing adda-and-tea-session with journalists that they are currently observing the situation carefully and will respond in 48 hours. journalists at the session unanimously agreed that nobody in the country really cared anymore.